Friday, January 28, 2011

Biting Sarcasm...for 'Always' maxi pads?

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

Illamasqua Heart Throb Nails

The new collection from Illamasqua 'Heart Throb' was released last week(ish?) and I'm just dying for their new lipstick in Sangers and the lipgloss in Succubus. They are freaking gorgeous...I might break down and buy them soon...




I added my own twist to the design by adding the red crystals. I think it looks better on short nails that way....I'm so sad I ruined my nails lasting my shoes :(


What I used:
OPI Nail Envy (base)
China Glaze White Out
Orly Liquid Vinyl
Red mini crystals (any kind, from a nail kit, or even a craft store it doesn't matter)
China Glaze Matte Magic Flat Finish Top Coat (which was a limited edition I believe, but you can get it on amazon or try the Esse Matte About You Matte Finisher which you can get at Ulta)

   

Bow Shoes

I got these shoes at a department store when I was in Ireland two years ago. They're not the most comfortable shoes, but they are super cute and have a good heel for dancing in. I'm wearing them to the fundraiser for my Greek dance group, and as a teacher I'm expected to do some dancing. I wanted to spruce them up a bit by adding some cute bows.
They came with a plain pair of black laces.

What you need for the ribbon (if you want to make your own...I had this fabric laying about the house and I have the perfect pink lipstick to match) is any nonorganic fabric (nylon and polyester work best) and a lighter. I got this fabric from Joanne Fabrics for $2.99 a yard.
All you need to do is take the lighter, hold it under the fabric and run it along the edges. This melts the fabric. The closer the flame is the more it melts, and the more curly it becomes.
 Then just lace it through and tie a bow. The 'two bunny ears' method always makes the perfect bow.

 These shoes had two eyelets so this is how I laced them for the best results. 

 I also made a matching head band....which I'm not sure if I'm going to wear....

I'll do a post about the entire outfit as well as a makeup slideshow (because I have no video camera :( otherwise I'd do some tutorials for you all....). Hope you enjoy!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Star Wars Weather Forcast

This is my new favorite weather website. Its pretty hilarious...head over to TomScott.com for your forcast.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Bad Bad World

This is just the sweetest video.


Bad Bad World from Guster on Vimeo.

Black Swan Inspired Editorial in Russian Vogue

Black Swan recently earned five Oscar nominations including Best Picture, Best Actress (Natalie Portman), and Best Director (Darren Aronofsky). This fashion spread featuring Russian model Denisa Dvorakova looks like it's inspired by the magnificent ballet thriller.

Photographed by Jason Schmidt and styled by Olga Dunina, Dvorakovais is seen wearing flowy dresses and magnificent headgear designed by Giorgio Armani and Chanel. A dance troupe composed of "white swan" dancers surrounds the beautiful model.










Vogue Russia
via [fashion gone rogue]

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

T-Shirt War

While stumbling (because I'm sick and feel like poo) I came across these two (actually four) videos by Rhett and Link. They are stop motion videos made by printing a lot of graphics on t-shirts. They are absolutely fabulous.




The first video became so popular (5,8 million views) that McDonald's and Coca Cola wanted them to copy the concept for an 30 second ad.



Behind the scenes



If anyone is wondering, they used Boinx 'iStopMotion' to capture the images.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Family Tree Monster Friends Posters


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Your favorite nightmarish monsters have never been cuter than this 4 poster series of Monster Friends by Family Tree design and illustration I discovered them at NotCot. There is The Kraken by Alex Pearson, Yeti by Jeff Kandefer, The Lochness Monster by Andy Young, and The Sasquatch by Julian Baker! See close ups below
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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Toe Puff...

So today on the shoes of death I pre-lasted the toe puff. This is the piece that keeps the toe of the shoe from collapsing when you're not wearing them. Tomorrow I will add the counter, finish shaping the heel and then (ideally) pre-last the upper. Thats if nothing goes wrong...and I don't kill myself first.

So to attach the toe puff I had to use Masters Cement...a special glue that slowly kills you with it's fumes.
And forming the leather...I managed to not hammer my fingers or destroy my nail polish, so overall it was a pretty good day.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Minnie Mouse Nails

I didn't know what to do...and I looked down and saw my Minnie Mouse key chain I got in Disney World this summer and figured why not?



What I used:
OPI Nail Envy (base)
OPI You Rock-Apulco Red!
StripeRite White (with dotting tool; I like to use this white because its super opaque)
Seche Vite top coat

You can also use the Konad Image Plate M79 to do the dots

Peppermint Cupcakes

These are the cupcakes I made for the holiday party at work. They were actually pretty delicious. They looked super cute too.

The woes of shoe making....

This is the final pair I chose to make for my shoe design class. Honestly these are the shoes from HELL! I've re-done them 4 times...and there's just one problem after another. I've officially given up on them and I'm just going to keep pushing through from now on. Its pretty sad, but thats how its gonna go...

This is one of the pattern pieces traced out onto the leather.
Taping to finalize the position of the pieces
I had to use tracing paper to sew because the patent leather slips on the foot.

Getting ready to sew the toe piece...
Lasted lining...which didn't have any major problems....

A random note to anyone...if you're not the best sewer in the world, or you're just beginning to make shoes...don't use patent leather...its a freaking pain in the ass!

Candy Cane Nails

These are from awhile ago...I just never got around to posting them.


What I used:

OPI Nail Envy (as base)
China Glaze White on White
OPI I'm Not Really A Waitress
China Glaze Ruby Pumps
Seche Vite Top Coat